


Dear friend

by Spencersblog



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Drowning, F/M, Guns, Mentions of Death, criminal minds stuff, cursing, injuries detail, mild graphic details about victims
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28570536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spencersblog/pseuds/Spencersblog
Summary: Reader joins the BAU team, with possible feelings for one of the members, as old acquaintances reappear in her life.
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader
Kudos: 1





	Dear friend

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello! Here’s ‘Dear friend’ ! This chapter is the prologue of “may the show begin”, because you’ll get to read the moments when Lea and Spencer met. (Small para mentioning it in chap 2).
> 
> Word count: 17.2k (the longest fic on my profile-)

* * *

Back when you were in New York, you had met Ethan somewhere around 2002. He really was and seemed like a good friend.

His hair was tinted by a light blonde and black roots were showing, when you had asked for a reason, he had mentioned that he wasn’t a natural blonde, he was just bored of having black hair and wanted to try something else, so he tried for blonde, mentioning again that he’d probably change it again if he ever feels like it.

His eyes were a basic dark brown and almond shaped, you always liked to look at them; it had been the first thing you noticed when you had met him, although he had insisted on the fact that they weren’t so special, you did make him know about it.

Never one second you would have thought you would have kinda fallen in love with this guy. You liked him but, you weren’t so sure. You preferred to get to know him before thinking of relationship stuff.

You guys had first met at a coffee shop near your job and a university, so a lot of students would come.

That day, you were going there because you had managed to finish some of your paperwork to allow yourself a small break for once; but what caught your curiosity when you had seen him by the counter was his coffee order.

_'I’ve never seen this one. I have to admit that it’s quite special.’_

_'I just don’t like it basic, like yours. Black isn’t my thing.'_

_'Sugary isn’t my thing, like yours.’_

_'Oh I— shit, gotta go, my class is gonna start. I’ll see you later…what’s your name?’_

_'y/n, you?’_

_'Ethan.’_

_'Well, see you soon Ethan.’_

_'See you soon y/n.’_

From that moment, whenever you happened to have a free period of time, you’d go to the shop, hoping to see him. 

He would eventually be there from time to time, as you guys slowly became friends and grew closer.

Well, in this situation what you expected to turn out bad actually turned out to be less painful that you expected it to be.

It was on a Saturday, around three or four in the afternoon. Strangely, you immediately knew something bad was about to happen, it was raining when you stepped out of your apartment; you had a feeling, a bad one. 

You had expected him not to be here, he had mentioned that he hated going out whenever it rained, but he was here, at the table you usually sit at with him. 

You had gestured to him to wait for you to get your coffee with your hand and he dramatically sighted like a child who had just been told by his mother that he couldn’t have his favorite box of candies.

This comparison was stupid when you thought of it, but that’s how you interpreted his expression.

After getting your order, you began asking each other questions about work, recent trends, a bit of everything you two could think of. 

And at some point, he had mentioned his girlfriend in the conversation.

_His girlfriend._

All of your dreams kind of shattered at this moment; you had already imagined yourself with him, in the park, in an apartment, with maybe a cat or a dog. It might have been ridiculous to think of that stuff when you weren’t even together, but you really felt like you guys could have been a thing.

Which was actually pretty dumb when you think of it. But in your mind, when you had first met him, you rushed too fast.

Instead of being the selfish friend that— you weren’t at all—, getting angry at him because he didn’t choose you, you acted like you would usually, the nice and supportive friend you always were, you congratulated him, telling how lucky his girlfriend was, that she seemed so nice when he talked about her, he had to keep her. As long as he was happy, it was all that mattered.

There was no reason to be angry, because he was happy and in love. It wouldn’t have done anything good to your friendship to yell at him, it would have been stupid to do that.

From that day, you had simply put the little remaining feelings you had in a box and threw it away.

He didn’t feel the same way, and would never because he fell in love with someone else.

You quickly adjusted to the idea, giving up. You wouldn’t do any good to yourself by constantly thinking of him, knowing well you’ll never have him.

'You only were friends, and it was okay.’

As long as you guys stayed friends, it totally was alright, you hadn’t felt jealousy, anger, you just let go of your feelings like you would let go of a balloon. 

You had moved on for a while, and strangely, you had realised that if he suddenly would ask you out, you wouldn’t feel the same way as before.

Two years after you met, you had managed to get a job at the FBI, in New York, being the youngest of the team. This wasn’t your first choice at all as you had originally planned to work at Quantico, in the BAU team, but it was that or nothing.

You would only participate in cases, but not go on the field, it only was a desk job. You weren’t made for this job—not while assuming that you are perfect—, with what you knew, you had all of the knowledge and capacity to do what your coworkers did.

It sure felt really weird at first, you felt like a toddler in the middle of a crowd full of adults. 

You had slowly adjusted, trying to prove yourself to be accepted by the others, in a way.

Some were nice, some complete asses, or would just be both. You only were close with one guy, Jayden. You wouldn’t see him often but he was nice, he was about twenty years older than you but still, you had a great bond with him, and even visited his home, his wife was really nice with you. 

The first months there were complete hell, they didn’t seem to have enough remarks to tell you, always talking behind your back, trying to prove that they were better than you when they’d absolutely do nothing but disrespecting you, trying to prove to others that you were nothing but a twenty-two years old that hadn’t her spot here.

At the eyes of your coworkers, you were nothing but the incompetent, useless y/n.

Getting transferred out of here would be awesome. Anywhere else but here would be better.

You hadn’t stopped thinking about that everyday; the team you worked in was complete hell.

*

Today marked the two years anniversary since your arrival, you were twenty-four.

Well, two years anniversary seemed weird, because to you, it would usually be said to describe something good to you, so in that case it simply would be 'two years since your unfortunate arrival’.

It somehow became better, but…not really. The remarks had stopped for a while, but your coworkers still hadn’t changed after two years.

Not at all.

As for you, you had, in a way, managed to get some respect from the others. You had found the way to not let anyone treat you like that ever again, and prove yourself. 

You could see their face burning, they had failed making you be seen as the incompetent and useless y/n they expected you to become.

It wasn’t until you had received an email in your mailbox one day. You first had thought it was another joke from one of your coworkers, as they already did it once, but as you read further, it really didn’t seem like one.

It apparently wasn’t a joke at all. 

Before arriving there, you had studied behavioural sciences, psychology, a bunch of degrees necessary so you could possibly be eligible for that unit, but you never would have expected the BAU to actually contact you, plus, SAY that they were interested and enthusiastic about your potential arrival to the unit.

You hadn’t heard about these words for a while, for way too long. So, seeing them in that email was unbelievable, you first thought that you had misread and rubbed your eyes, but it still was the same. exact. words.

No one was around when you opened it, which happened to be quite sad, but nice. 

Nice, because you could react however you want, say what you want, do what you want without bringing any attention; but quite sad, because you couldn’t see their faces turning red at the news.

They would have burned with rage knowing that someone that is barely there since two years, while they’ve been here longer than you, was offered a job in that kind of place.

But, you were more than happy, knowing that you would never see them again.

Except, something suddenly felt off.

Ethan and Jayden.

You had to tell them that they wouldn’t see you anymore.

You were about to move out to Quantico, at the BAU unit, meaning that you probably would be more busy than ever, so, less time to hang out, or even not any at all.

After a few minutes of staring at the wall, you glanced at your computer, turning it off with a sigh.

Tomorrow might be the best and the worst day of your life.

*

The goodbyes were harder than you had thought, for Jay, you had gone to his house in the afternoon and for Ethan it was around midnight; you guys had settled on this hour because you wouldn’t be available later in the week.

You never would have thought you would have to do that one day.

Ethan had just suddenly announced that he was about to move out to the other side of the country, in Oregon, family members needed him.

Which was quite surprising at first. Why would he move out so far? Why would he even move out in the first place, he never liked his family.

So after consideration, it turned out that seeing each other would even more be complicated than you both had planned.

The visits wouldn’t be very frequent; your job would certainly be difficult, and criminals don’t stop killing people just because you have to see your friends. So if you were lucky, it would be every two or three months.

Before you went home, you had talked with Ethan for an hour or so, before leaving so you could go to bed.

Even if all of that was harder than you thought it would be, a new chapter of your life was about to open itself, in a new place, with new people to meet, perhaps you would finally feel like home there. 

The only thing you hoped for before drifting off to sleep was to have a nice environment at work, you certainly didn’t want to go through four hours of driving, a day moving out stuff, just to find the same kind of people that had you go through hell for two years.

*

The fresh air coming from the car window came to your face, as you closed your eyes for a short amount of time when the light turned red.

You had never liked that much to feel air on your face before that day. 

This air was the one of the place you’d probably live in for a long time, and the city where your new life was.

New york was behind you and you weren’t about to come back any time soon.

The only thing you’ve been hoping once again for was to have nice coworkers, this time. 

After weeks of searching for an apartment, a week packing your stuff; while making hundreds of administrative calls; you really didn’t feel like moving here just to have the same scenario happening again. 

Your schedule was a bit tight, as soon as you arrived, you only had half a day to unpack your stuff and settle into your apartment because the day after, you’d immediately begin work.

You’d normally be arriving in one hour. The lack of time was kind of your fault because you had forgotten to set an alarm; so instead of waking up at six, you woke up at nine.

The day you had expected to have would be a lot more different from what you had hoped for just a week ago.

And as if by chance; on the way, destiny has apparently decided to mess with you by letting you get stuck in the traffic.

Even greater.

Half of your day had been absolutely wasted; you even came to ask yourself if you would manage to get some free time to eat and rest. 

Thankfully you had managed to find an apartment close to work so you wouldn’t have any trouble going tomorrow.

Until now, you wouldn’t have imagined how difficult it was to move out on your own. You didn’t have a lot of boxes, but because you didn’t want to have a lot, you stuffed them as much as possible, resulting in having not a lot, but resulting in them being…quite heavy.

You had wished someone was there to make the process faster, because as you said to yourself in the car, the entirety of your afternoon was wasted, you didn’t even think when you’d be done.

The moving company had already arrived before you, as you noticed your furniture laying in the apartment. They didn’t place them, but they just were stacked a bit everywhere, you were relieved none of the furniture was messed up; it’s rare to have respectful moving companies nowadays.

The last time you moved, your couch and two lamps had mysteriously vanished, after hundreds of calls, and now, five years later, your stuff is still missing, perhaps you should have printed out missing papers to find them.

It finally was the last time you’d have to open your trunk for the day; you had taken the last boxes, heading to the entry of the building before taking the narrow elevator. 

Your apartment being at the end of the corridor made your trips quite complicated, but you were glad to see the door of your apartment for once today.

It hasn’t taken much time for you to drop the boxes on the floor, and collapse on the couch. You didn’t even bother to eat before, and go to your bed; you were too tired for that. You’d probably eat something on the way to work tomorrow.

*

You had been abruptly woken up by the 7AM alarm you had set the day before; almost falling off the couch as you got up.

You hadn’t drank any alcohol, but when you woke up, it kind of felt like it. 

A minute later, you finally decided to get up for not ending up oversleeping, and miss your first day by the occasion.

The first thing you had to do was to go to the bathroom, a shower was…necessary. From all of the effort you had done yesterday, and considering that you haven’t taken one because you directly went to sleep; the 'skip’ option wouldn’t be the right choice to do.

Clothes were your biggest dilemma; especially when it came to your first day in a new place. You didn’t want to wear something not really formal, because people wouldn’t think you’re professional, so you wouldn’t be taken seriously, but at the same time, if you would dress too professionally, you would be afraid to be seen too serious, not approachable.

For once, you decided not to listen to yourself, and suddenly took a skirt and a shirt out of the closet, before closing it to put the clothes on.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take long to get ready. By 7:20, you already were out of the building, heading to your car.

You opened the door, entering the car while closing it behind you, as you grabbed your seatbelt to put it on.

You had managed to wake your way to work without any trouble today, not any traffic at all. 

Everything was going well, for now. 

You had stopped the car in front of the building when you arrived, stepping out of it to walk in the direction on the trunk to take a box that contained the stuff you’d put at your desk.

After grabbing the box, you tossed back your bag onto your shoulder, and entered the building.

You had put the box on the floor when you reached security, opening it so they would see that the only stuff in there was paperwork, pencils, and random stuff you had taken just in case. 

Your bag only contained your phone, wallet and a few tissues, not much to be honest.

When they were done, you brought your bag to your shoulder again before taking the box, heading to the elevator.

You had hoped for it not to be taken; waiting wasn’t really part of your plans right now. Even if you arrived twenty minutes earlier, you were still afraid of being late.

And as if by chance, when you had walked to the elevator, a man stepped out of it. 

He was way taller than you, had short hair, and a quite muscular jaw along with tall cheekbones. He gave you a quick glance, stepping out in a hurry.

You looked behind you as he disappeared in the corner of the corridor. You shrugged and made your way into the elevator, pressing the button of the 6th floor.

Nearly two minutes later, the elevator stopped at the 6th floor, as you stepped out of it. It didn’t take long for you to spot your desk when you had entered, among the other ones, it was the only desk that was empty. 

No one was there when you arrived, perhaps they weren’t there yet. You appreciated that, as you didn’t really want to talk right now, you were too stressed to have any social interaction at this moment. 

You sat at your desk, putting the empty box next to it after you were done settling your stuff on it. You stayed for a few minutes, just glancing at your desk, around you like an idiot.

You were about to reach out for papers, when you noticed you hadn’t taken them.

“Shit, I forgot it in the car.” A sigh came out of your lips, as you got up, exhausted.

You ran as fast as you could, Hotchner wouldn’t really want to wait any longer. You didn’t know him at all but you could guess he was the kind of guy that didn’t like it when people were late. 

Your items in hand, you locked the car as you walked to the entry once again to see that the elevator hadn’t been taken. You stepped in, repeating the same action you had done ten minutes ago at your arrival.

The elevator stopped a few seconds later, the doors opening while a familiar face appeared.

“Agent Hotchner.”

“Hotch is just fine y/n.” He said, a slight smile drawing itself on his face. “Have you managed to get time to settle down?” He asked, making his way into the elevator to end up standing next to me.

“Uh…yeah, I arrived twenty minutes ago. Just had to make a quick trip to my car just a minute ago, I had just forgotten some papers in the car.” You were incredibly nervous while talking to him, he definitely had an intimidating aura.

This time, in just a few minutes, the office was suddenly full of many more people.

Exactly what you didn’t wish for. Now you’d possibly be the center of attention.

You had walked by the room where the desks were, trying to keep up with Hotchner. He was walking way faster than you’d usually would.

Some of the persons glances were on you as you stepped in; which made you feel even more stressed.

His desk wasn’t as far as you had imagined it to be, in just a few steps you had already reached it. He opened the door, inviting you to enter first as he closed the door when he entered.

You sat on the chair in front of his desk, as he handed you papers to sign after a short briefing. After being done, you had put down the pen on the table before he took them back.

“Okay, we’re done for good with paperwork this time,” He exclaimed. “The team could take a few minutes in the conference room so you could introduce yourself properly, I haven’t told them anything except your name. They really seemed excited.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” You said, slightly smiling.

“Good, then.” He said, as we both got up to exit the room. Hotch stopped for a bit, reaching out. “I’ll see you in a minute.” you shaked his hand, heading in the opposite direction.

You stepped in the conference room, observing the surroundings. It wasn’t much different to you, only the appearance was compared to the one in New York.

You already were imagining yourself here early in the morning, or late at night to work. It was quiet, and you appreciated working in silence.

A few footsteps were soon being heard in the corridor, you had guessed that it would probably be the team, since he had mentioned a short meeting for everyone to present themselves at the desk.

“So, you’re the new one, huh? Hotch kept us waiting, we all were wondering who it could be." 

"Well, seems like you’ll know now. I’m y/n y/l/n. Coming right from New York.” You reached out to him, before doing the same with everyone as they introduced themselves.

“Derek Morgan.”

“I’m Jennifer Jareau, you can call me JJ.”

“Elle Greenaway.”

“I’m Penelope Garcia, the BAU’s Technical Analyst,” She paused before looking around, as Hotch walked into the room, standing next to me. “Where’s Spencer?" 

"He’s coming. He apparently was distracted by someone on the way,” Morgan responded, looking around. “By the way y/n, Jason Gideon is also in the team, he’s probably in his office. You’ll meet him later.”

“No problem.” You said, turning your head towards the door when you heard someone. 

You glanced at him, and gave him a sympathetic smile before walking in his direction.

“Hi, you must be Spencer, right? I’m y/n y/l/n, it’s nice to meet you. We briefly saw each other at the elevator.” You said, reaching out to him, a confused look on your face when he didn’t do anything for a bit.

“Oh, y-yeah, that’s me. Spencer Reid. It’s nice meeting you too.” He stuttered, not moving his hand forward. He just looked away, as he was embarrassed.

“Everyone, I think you’ve all met her now, but let’s welcome the new member of our team. She’ll be working with us from now on. We all look forward to working with you, agent y/l/n.” Hotch said, as you walked towards the group of people along with Spencer.

You had spent a few minutes chatting, and even though you didn’t want to, Garcia insisted for you to talk about what you’ve been doing previously, mentioning that it probably won’t be the last time because she’d occasionally kidnap you in her office for getting to know you better. 

You had eventually settled back to your desk, turning the computer to log in with the username and password you’ve previously been given.

It wasn’t until you noticed someone behind you in the reflection of the computer screen.

“Is something wrong Spencer?” You said, turning your chair to face him.

“Oh, I…just wanted you to know that if you need anything, I’ll be there. The whole interface, or the building, how it works, I thought you might have trouble to figure it out, so, if you need help, I’m right next to you.” He said, motioning his desk.

“Thanks for proposing, I’ll keep that in mind.” You said, tilting your head to the side. “I also have something to ask.”

“What is it?”

“In the conference room, we’ve learned a lot about me, so everyone knows that I got into the FBI at 22, so that kinda makes me a genius, but I hate to call myself like that,” You paused, playfully looking at him. “But anyways, what about I get to learn stuff about you?”

“…about me?”

“Yeah. If I’m not wrong, you’re the only Spencer Reid here, and the only one I’m talking to right now.” I showed the surroundings with my hand, slightly chuckling.

“Oh uh….there isn’t much to be honest, I’m not really the type of person that likes to detail their life. I just have an eidetic memory, can read up to 20,000 words per minute and that I have 3 PhDs. But everyone knows it.”

“A total genius, wow. Do you also have random facts in your head that you throw randomly or what?”

“Actually yeah. Did you know that New York was originally called 'New Orange’? Before it was the Big Apple, it was New Orange. As History reports, when the Dutch captured New York from the English in 1673, they renamed it New Orange in honor of William 3rd of Orange. The following year, the English regained control and ditched the 'Orange’.”

“I didn’t even know that about my hometown. That’s surprising. I’m kind of glad they haven’t kept that name.”

“Yeah, it would have been a bit ridiculous.”

“I’m glad I left though, because if you ever plan to go later, don’t go to the NYC office, it’s hell.”

“I won’t go anywhere. I’m fine here, plus…”

“…plus?”

“Uh, plus I like working here too.” Spencer said, stuttering towards the end of the sentence; he seemed quite nervous.

“Wish I could say that, but I can’t yet, I just arrived two hours ago; but I think it’ll be nice. We should hang out more often, to talk about books, tv shows, whatever.” You shot him a sympathetic smile, before turning back to your computer.

You didn’t know why, you had a strange feeling when you were talking with him, like the kind of feeling you have when…you’re in love with someone.

But, you just met one hour ago, how can you just go to him and say 'oh suddenly I love you’. That’d be weird and humiliating, if he’s like, confused, or rejects you, or say that he’s not-

What were you thinking about? Wake up y/n. How can you possibly be in love with someone you just met? It’s nonsense. 

“Yeah, we should. I’ll be right there…if you need anything.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

You had learned something more today, the genius apparently had an effect on you.

Perhaps you’ll finally have the courage to talk to him about that later, if everything goes well.

You quickly get rid of your thoughts to focus on your work, while trying not to stare at him every second and look like a creep; which turned out to be complicated. 

The only thing that wouldn’t make you look like a creep would be to talk to him, that way you’ll have a reason to look at him; if you manage to look at him normally.

You never thought you’d stress about the way you’d be looking at someone before him. 

At this point, you were…a bit stressed. You took your courage in your hands and turned your chair in his way, trying to find a reason to talk with him.

“Uh, Spencer?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh…I, I honestly don’t know. I wanted to talk with you, but I realized I don’t even have a reason to." 

"y/n, it's ok. You can talk to me whenever you want, even if you don’t have a reason to. But I have to warn you, once I begin talking about a subject, I can’t stop until I’m told to.”

“That’s fine to me. I do that sometimes, well, when I’m alone. Couldn’t really do that at my old workplace.”

“Well now you can.” He gave me a slight smile, which you answered by doing the same.

You don’t even remember for how many minutes or hours you had talked, he was the one to start the conversation, and you’d follow along by trying to understand whatever he was saying. 

And when you didn’t understand, he’d begin to start his explanation, who would last even more.

It never bothered you. Talking with him took some of the stress you had just when you glanced at him.

A new friendship had created itself at this moment, a strong one.

The kind of friendship that lasts forever.

You had hoped deep inside you during the conversation that you wouldn’t only stay friends, but more than that; if he had feelings for you.

But at the same time, you couldn’t really allow yourself to think about those things, just when you guys knew each other for a couple hours. The situation was quite complicated at the moment, you only had that with Ethan, but it didn’t last long as soon as he mentioned his girlfriend after two months, but here, you only knew him for two or three hours, so you couldn’t think of that.

Perhaps it’ll happen later. You just had to be patient.

*

The rest of the morning went quite well; the tension weighting on your head loosened; allowing you to be more calm, and not a stuttering mess. 

Due to the lack of sleep, you had to do a lot of coffee runs, resulting in refilling the machine for everyone at some point.

Around 1PM, you all were interrupted by a sharp voice that immediately stopped everyone in their activities.

“BAU team, meet me in the conference room now.” Hotch said, while everyone stood up from their seats, following him in the direction he walked to.

When you had stepped in the room with everyone, the needed information had already been prepared along with the pictures of the victims that were on the screen. 

Everyone took a seat, as Hotch stood next to the screen.

“Four women; Clara Johnson, Melanie Smith, Sarah Williams, and Nancy Morrison. They were all drowned and mutilated in their home in the last three weeks, in New York. The first two are one week apart, and the other two were killed in the same week, two days apart. Their chests also happened to be sliced open and…filled with flowers. They were all found in a bathtub, no exception.” Hotch exclaimed.

“Wait, why are we called in now? It’s almost been three weeks.” Elle questioned.

“The bodies were only found today. The families haven’t heard from them, so they went to their place, and found them there.” Hotch answered.

“He suddenly went from one week to two days, something must have stressed him, and made him go off script.” Morgan concluded.

“Um…we had also been sent videos of the victims. They’re all being drowned in it.” Garcia said, hitting the play button.

Although it only lasted two minutes and a few seconds, I felt like it lasted more. 

The first video was composed of two minutes and twenty-two seconds of pure agony, pain; she hadn’t given up, she had fought till her last breath, until he had let her head under the water for too long and…she just stopped moving. 

He had watched them suffocating, fighting for their life, struggling, then dying.

All of the videos were the same, except the third. She had been stabbed before being drowned.

Four entire lives worth of memories, destroyed in two minutes.

It wasn’t enough for him that he even had sliced their chests open to fill it with stupid flowers; as if he wanted to add a poetic touch to the atrocities he had just committed. 

You haven’t imagined rainbow and unicorns for your first day, but you certainly didn’t wish for that kind of case.

Happy first day y/n. 

“Um…It’s maybe stupid, but wouldn’t we possibly be looking for a sadistic guy…? It lasted three minutes in general, but I think if that were another person, they would have done it faster. He made it last as long as he could so he could properly enjoy. A way to accomplish his fantasies, if what he has done can be said as one for him, or for us.” You said, hesitating.

“That can be one of the possibilities.” Hotch responded.

“That could also be seen as a motive of revenge. Something may have upset him to the point he had contained so much anger inside of him that he had to do that. His anger could be related to these girls in particular, or women in general, or even a traumatic event that happened before the incident or in the past.” Morgan explained.

“And he won’t stop until he gets caught.” Spencer said, looking at Hotch.

“We’ll pursue the briefing on the jet, wheels up in 20.” Hotch rushed out, going out of the room in a sudden, the rest of the team as well, as Morgan and Spencer stopped for a second.

“Great first day, huh?” Morgan teased, a huge grin on his face.

“Don’t make me slap that pretty face of yours. You really don’t want me to punch you, I guarantee." 

"Well damn, she’s tough. You don’t let others tread on you apparently.”

“Yeah. I don’t care if you’re nice or whatever, I won’t let you either. You won’t fool me.” You joked, a smirk on your face as you waved at the two men before exiting the room.

*

Twenty minutes later, everyone boarded on the jet; well, you did first.

All of your stuff, and you, were already ready, so you had stayed there for a while before everyone came.

You felt like a transfer kid coming in the middle of the year, you didn’t really know where to sit in the jet; you barely knew everyone’s name, so that didn’t immediately mean that you already knew them to you.

You hadn’t taken much time and decided to sit at the back, close to the window; probably to distract yourself.

It wasn’t until a voice catched your attention. You raised your eyes to the source of your attention, to see the one and only Spencer Reid. You wouldn’t have expected him to be the first to talk to you, he already seemed quite nervous when talking with you.

“Uh…can I sit there?” Spencer said, motioning the seat next to you.

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind some company." 

"So, what brings you there? New York was a great place too.” He said, as he sat in the seat.

“Not as great as you might think. It’s only great when you’re not actually working there. I was the youngest in the team, so they thought that they could treat me like crap, like a stupid twenty-two years old that didn’t have her spot there at all. And two years later, here I am. Wanted a new start. And right now, I’m even more depressed to go there, and ready to punch one in the face if they dare to talk to me.” You said, which earned a quick, but strict glance from Hotch. “Let’s forget the 'punch’ part." 

"I joined the BAU at 22 as well, the youngest of the team. Now I’m sharing the spot with you.” Spencer chuckled, his smile infectious as you smiled as well. “But you’re going to be fine here, the team is great. Well, if you forget the cases, especially this one, that isn’t a great welcome, it’s great.”

“I hope pretty boy didn’t say anything bad about me, I don’t want you to think badly of me.” Morgan interrupted.

“I haven’t said anything Morgan!” Spencer defended himself, the team laughing at the argument between the two agents.

“Don’t tease Spencer Morgan. Leave the guy alone.” You said, glancing at him.

“Oh, pretty boy’s got a girlfriend apparently.”

“She’s not my girlfriend!”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

You both looked at each other, staying silent for a couple seconds before you broke off the stare, mouthing 'I’ll kill you’ to Morgan.

Spencer just stood there, a small grin appearing on his face from the interaction. 

“Seems like we’re kind of connected.”

“Yeah, seems like. I guess.” He quietly answered, brushing the hair from his face.

“Why are you so stressed when you’re talking with me? Am I intimidating?”

“Oh, no, it’s…uh, me in general, you can ask the others- but, actually let me remind you that you also seem stressed when talking to me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“We’re both profilers, we can’t lie to each other about our emotions. I can read your face and immediately say that you’re lying.

"Don’t know, I’m mostly like that with people I don’t know, I guess.”

“I don’t think that’s what you meant to say, but I’ll accept that answer." 

"Exactly.”

The rest of the jet ride wasn’t unpleasant; the case had been reviewed, you got to talk with everyone, forming a small bond with them.

You even had a small talk with Gideon, what you didn’t expect. He seemed quite the reserved guy, not really talkative, but ultimately, it was alright. You really had a lot of 'dad vibes’ in your conversation, but you had guessed that he wouldn’t really like to be called that way, taking in consideration that you barely knew him to be able to let yourself have an affectionate behavior with him.

So, better not call him dad, unless he makes the first step, that way you’ll know if you can or can’t act differently. But for now, it’ll stay purely professional.

You got to know how to act with everyone, just to not get over some boundaries. You preferred to be sure about that part, you weren’t much used to actually having co-workers to talk with, so all of this was quite new and…embarrassing.

They even had told you to calm down a bit after letting you know how red your face was. You had hoped they wouldn’t remember that and decide to create a personalized nickname for you.

Even if you know it’ll only be as a joke, you’d only be more embarrassed, and even more red by the occasion.

The ride wasn’t long, only fifty minutes long, you haven’t really noticed it. They had put you at ease by talking with you, getting to know you; and exchanging some memories that had happened before your arrival.

One of the memories didn’t really please Spencer; it was when he had missed his gun evaluation. Morgan took the opportunity to mock him by giving him a whistle, even though Elle had insisted not to mention it at all. 

But, Spencer had managed to shut him up when he had shot the unsub between his eyes without having to prepare itself. So, it turned out that the memory wasn’t that bad to remember at the end.

As for you, not much again, unless the fact that you had a similar course to Reid’s. You had also entered the FBI at 22, skipped a few classes, except your old workplace wasn’t the best.

They probably had figured out that I’d be annoying to come back, and Morgan had said that he’d to protect you and that he certainly wouldn’t hesitate to fight one of them if they’d dare saying something to you, but was quickly stopped by Hotchner as well. Nevertheless, he had shot you a wink behind Hotch’s back, probably meaning that the offer was still up; but you were here for a case, so you had to set your problems aside for now.

It felt like you knew them forever. You had only talked for a few minutes, yet it was enough to get to know them and have interesting conversations.

After the conversation had begun to become longer, Gideon had to step in and interrupt everyone to focus on the case for real this time. 

*

The moment you never wanted to happen during the flight was happening, right in front of you.

The office that had you go through hell for two years, the office in which you hated to go, wishing to get transferred every single second you’d spent in it. You had swore to yourself that you’d manage to get the hell out of here one day; and you did it, finally.

It’s a bit ridiculous to say that, but your prayers have been finally answered. Perhaps all of the hate, anger, frustration that had built itself inside you made this happen. If it is indeed the case, you own them at least a small something. Just a small.

After a few minutes, you had pushed yourself to go out of the black SUV, annoyingly staring at the glass doors when you had stepped out of the car after closing the door, before heading inside, holding the door for JJ who was behind you.

“Agent Jayden Cole, New York field office.”

“SSA Hotchner, this is Dr. Spencer Reid, SSA Morgan, Agent Jareau, SSA Gideon, SSA Greenaway and SSA y/l/n.” He said, as we all shook his hand as our names got mentioned.

“Is there a place we can settle down at?”

“Yeah, right down the corner. All of the pictures of the evidence is on the board, and there’s a computer just in case you need it.”

“Thank you.”

You threw a smile at Jayden, as he patted your shoulder on your way to the room. You had at least one good reason to enjoy your venue here.

“Is everything okay?” Spencer quietly spoke, hesitating. He didn’t seem sure if you were either upset because of the office, the case; or even both.

“Um…yeah. Ish.” You admitted, when he had raised one of his eyebrows. “I just, hate this place with all of my soul but…I’m not gonna keep worrying about it, we can’t let ourselves do that, we have a case right now. And I doubt he’ll stop killing just because we have to talk.”

“I understand you, kind of had the same thing at high school. I was a nine years old prodigy in a Las Vegas high school, so as you guessed, people had fun bullying me. Never really knew why. I’m not really interested in that anymore.”

“At least we have something in common. That’s great to know, I think. Because the thing we have in common isn’t really awesome. It’s not really fun now.”

“It’s a bit fun. Look at us, we’re working at a big place.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m still gonna try to convert my anger into fun so I don’t punch one of them.”

“Let’s try to avoid the punch part, that wouldn’t be very awesome for your first day. You’ll get to do it later, maybe.”

“Maybe.” You laughed off, glancing at the door when you had heard footsteps. 

“Hey geniuses, stop chattering and share your knowledge.” Morgan interrupted.

“Oh uh— While looking at the board, I couldn’t seem to understand the part where he slices their chests open and just puts flowers. Why would anyone take the time to do that?” Spencer said.

“A total psychopath. He probably wanted to sign his work, to somehow feel proud after what he’d done, maybe. His victims were like canvases.” Elle argued.

“There’s not much to feel proud about.” Morgan admitted.

“Plus, he even took the time to carefully place them, he did not just slice her chest and throw them in. Look at the placement. It’s…weird.” Spencer said.

“Yeah, he really didn’t place them just like that.” Morgan noticed.

“It looks like it follows the veins, basically what’s inside. He made sure to pay attention to the details. Maybe he has some medical knowledge. Can be a student, or just searched stuff on the net.” Spencer acknowledged. 

“Great, basically the whole campus.” Morgan sighted.

“Yeah. Um…were the houses close or somehow close to colleges, or schools?” You asked.

“Yeah. Their houses were all close to college campuses. All were at their parents’s houses on vacation or just visiting.” Hotch answered.

“So we already know all of this was premeditated, if he knew when to strike just when the parents weren’t home, he must have observed them for a while or…” Morgan said, as you cut him off.

“He personally knew them. Well enough so he could have access to home without forcing entry, and if he didn’t, he sneaked into the house, just when he knew they were alone. Like Morgan said, something could possibly have really upset him, causing a large amount of rage to build up. Then, he just snapped.” You said, finishing off the sentence.

“The place they were all studying at was the NYC university, right?” Spencer asked.

“Yeah, all of them.” Hotch paused, briefly looking outside. “We’ll see more of it on the ride, let’s go.”

As soon as the order was given, everyone exited the room after Hotchner.

Even though Jayden’s presence in the middle of the office restrained you from punching all of the others than quickly stared at you, they all were lucky that it was your first day, and that your boss was standing nearby, otherwise you would have already thrown a fight since the moment you had stepped in the office. 

If you had been told that one week after moving to Quantico you’d have to come back from where you came, you would have gone a little bit crazy.

What did he have to choose this city to kill people? Not that you actually wanted him to kill people in the first place, because to be honest, even if you think about that to happen to a person you hate, that isn’t really nice, because the people aren’t just left at the crime scene, there’s a whole investigation to do after that to find who did it, and even killing someone in the first place isn’t something to do; but still, you would have preferred another place than here, if it wasn’t a bit for Jayden.

Although none of this was enchanting, you had to put the enormous pile of problems, hate, anger, whatever describes hate; to the side and focus on your work.

Already four women have been killed, and if he plans to do it with the whole campus, he definitely wasn’t done. 

He must have created a massive panic in the school and in the families leaving nearby, a panic so intense that could lead to everyone being afraid to step a foot outside, and for the parents, afraid for their children every single second to the point of having to call them each minute to know if they’re still alive or not, afraid to have the police call them to announce the death of their child.

JJ was probably doing everything for the press not to do a bigger mess after what they have done before our arrival. They were misinformed, and totally incompetent, not knowing how to inform people correctly without spreading fear everywhere.

As much as everyone wished to, we wouldn’t find him in a minute, if he had already managed to kill four people without getting caught, only for the bodies to be found today, he wouldn’t be easy to catch.

If he had even made voicemails of victims, to their families before killing them, probably the reason why no one noticed their disappearance earlier.

He exactly knew when no one would be in the house so that he could come without having any witnesses around, he either knew them, and managed to get invited at that time, or he knew them but didn’t get to ask for an invitation, so he could have entered without permission, while also knowing when no one was there, or he simply didn’t have any connection with them and basically stalked them.

You didn’t know why, but you weren’t convinced about the 'strangers’ possibility. The campus is busy, it’s impossible to follow a specific person. He knew them, and not slightly. He knew them enough for being able to gain enough trust to be allowed into the house with their full trust, they felt comfortable and safe enough to be around him. 

Although, they had unfortunately felt too safe, which cost them their lives. It wasn’t their fault, they had no reason to fear him, they didn’t know about this side of him. They couldn’t plan anything. Especially not that. They had built enough trust not to feel fear, he made them feel safe, just to kill them in a few minutes. 

The same thoughts would come back again and again in different types of speeches, you just couldn’t understand anything, no one could at the moment.

Nothing much had been told during the car ride, except details of the case, and a few calls from various members of the team.

You were sure that you both had a lot to tell to each other, but it could wait till after the case. 

Before going out of the car, you took off your jacket and tossed it in the back of the car before untying your hair just after Spencer had mentioned a case when they had gotten to a university for a case where a girl was setting fires.

Gideon had told the team that he didn’t want badges, in order not to satisfy the unsub’s need for attention by letting him know he had gotten the FBI here. 

'Try not to look official.’

'Try to look less official.’ he had said back then.

Spencer had told you that everyone had black jackets along with black glasses. They certainly would have drawn all of the attention if they hadn’t taken them off when entering.

Reid was the only one that didn’t have any of these clothes on. He could have even pretended that he was the student and people would have probably believed him, only if he didn’t have a gun.

Gun that he almost lost because he had failed his qualification a few days after the incident. He still was embarrassed even though he got to take his revenge at the end, but you had eventually let go of the idea of mentioning it.

So, this time everyone knew that official outfits weren’t necessary unless they wanted the whole case investigation to fail and possibly lead to the unsub or one of the accomplices’s escape.

You had gotten out of the car along with everyone else, and entered the building, heading out to the director’s office.

You’d already gone there a few times, your father used to give classes here, so you had visited him a few times to bring him things he had forgotten home, or even when you had no reason at all, and Ethan used to study there before you guys met.

“I wish we could have met under different circumstances Mary, but here we are.” You had admitted, slightly stepping to the side as she shook the hand of the others. 

“I wish too." 

"Has anyone complained about a guy harassing girls from the same class? Because, if I’m right, they all were in the same class.”

“Yeah, they’ve been in the same class since the beginning of their studies. But, not really. We get these kinds of complaints at least once a month, but it always turns out to be jokes, or just bets, it never got that bad to the point that it resulted in the people filing the complaint dying. The worst complaint only ended in a few punches." 

"Not even one of the teachers had said something?”

“No. Not anything. I really don’t understand what was the cause of this, why did anyone want to kill them.”

“We’ll find out. We will. Do you mind if we look into the list of the class, the complaints and stuff?”

“No, I don’t, go ahead. Tell me if you need anything else.” She said, as you left with Elle, Morgan and Hotch, leaving Spencer and Gideon to talk with her.

“Um, I guess we count on y/l/n for the rest, that university is giant, I don’t even know where to go.” Morgan admitted.

“Don’t worry about that, I got this.” You said, as you patted Morgan’s shoulder before walking in the alley leading towards the building.

After a few flights of stairs, you had arrived in front of the room, and knocked on the door of the class, several heads turning to face the source of the noise.

“Can you come for a second Finn?” You asked at the familiar teacher, gesturing outside of the room. He seemed pretty confused about the situation at first, but didn’t take much time to do what he was told. 

“I suppose you’re not here to chat about geopolitics. Is it about what happened recently?” He said, looking at the people behind you.

“Yeah, it is. These are the people I work with; Agent Greenaway, Agent Hotchner and Agent Morgan.” You said, as he shook their hands. “I’m sorry to interrupt your class, but we have to talk to them." 

"I don’t mind at all, what happened is more important than my class now.” He said, stepping back into the classroom after we entered.

“Can I get your attention please? I’m y/n y/l/n from the Behavioral analysis unit of the FBI. I’m sure you are all aware of the recent incidents that had happened in the past few weeks to four of your classmates. We do know that some of you were close with some of them, so we’d need to know if you had noticed any suspicious activities, behaviors that happened shortly before their disappearance. I know they had all left voicemails, and had made you think they were okay, but someone you may know, or someone you knew they were friends with killed them, so that is why we need as much information as possible. We’ll call all of you to talk about all of this. Thank you.” You had said, students quietly chattering between us in worry.

*

Among all of the students, not much had apparently something to say.

'I wasn’t personal with them.’

'They were the popular girls, so they wouldn’t talk much to us.’

'I never paid attention to them, we weren’t friends.“ 

These sentences came out more often than you’d thought it would before stepping inside that class first.

Three students were left, so you had all decided to take them at the same time.

"Thank you for giving us some of your time. I know that in college you can’t usually allow yourself to skip class at all, but this is a different situation that requests your help. Can you describe the days that had led to the incident? Like, we said, suspicious behavior, people around them that seemed weird, or even students that you used to see, that were often absent, or just didn’t come?” You asked to the group.

“I don’t really know. They used to have a lot of guys asking them around often. Two were particularly sticked to her.” The blonde said.

“Do you…happen to know their names?”

“No. They weren’t from our class. Do you remember from which?” She asked, turning to the boy next to her.

“Yeah, they’re from Matt’s class, I think their names were uh…Ethan and Anthony.”

“Wait, did one of them have blonde hair , black roots and was a bit taller than you, and the other black hair?”

“Yeah, one had blonde hair but no, the other had kind of like…a mullet, red hair and a bit shorter than him.”

“y/l/n. Did you know them?” Morgan asked, suddenly frowning as you didn’t answer.

“I think I need to go outside.” You said, going up from your chair to head outside of the room, when a hand stopped you in your pacing when you had gotten out a few minutes after.

“y/l/n, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Morgan said, looking right into my eyes.

“I knew them. Well, I knew Ethan more, for three years, when I was working here. I swear h-he didn’t seem like that kind of guy, I didn’t know that he would possibly be involved in murders three years earlier.”

“Not any of this is your fault, you’re not responsible. You didn’t know, and you couldn’t have done anything to stop him, because you didn’t know, okay? Now, what about the other kid?”

'Uh… I used to see him at the cafe, but we never talked much, just a simple hello, or how are studies, work going, we never saw each other anywhere except the cafe, we both were going there to just grab a coffee, so when I’d go there, some days I would see him, some days not as I was busy most of the time, so I rarely had time to even get a break outside of the office. You could kind of say we were 'friends’.“

"Okay. That’s a good thing you know them, well, except for the killing part, but that’ll probably be helpful later.” He said, as your phone rang, interrupting the conversation.

The ID caller was Reid, so you immediately answered, putting the call on speaker as Hotch and Elle got out of the room.

“You guys are on speaker, everyone’s here.”

“Ethan Taylor and Anthony Smith. These were two names that came up often on several lists like complaints, absences, or disciplinary actions. Ethan was expelled exactly two before the first killing, but Anthony only got a suspension of one week, and has been going to the school, not going, then going, for apparently no reason, and he stopped doing that because it’s been one week since he was last seen.” Spencer explained “We also know Anthony recently used to go to some of the parent’s houses to help them with stuff. He was older than their daughters, and according to a teacher, he was often seen with one of them, Nancy.”

“Then I guess that’s where we need to go next.”

*

You guys had started the car shortly after Spencer and Gideon, since they were closer to the entrance. A police car had also apparently gotten there as well.

This time, we could allow ourselves to be official, as the vests were necessary for our safety. 

As you got out of the car, you quickly tied up your hair as running with long hair is nothing but annoying.

The house didn’t have anything strange, some noise was coming out of it, signs of presence like the light and the open curtains.

You had stepped in the alley along with everyone in the direction of the door, until you had heard the sound of what seemed like someone had gone out of the window, and had just landed on the floor.

You changed directions towards the source of the noise, which Morgan noticed, following you, probably because he didn’t want to let you go alone.

It wasn’t until you both had noticed him before he had seen you, shortly noticing you as well, meeting your eyes.

The realisation of what was happening didn’t take him any much time, as he started running. 

“Shit— no, don’t!” You had yelled, as you started running. 

“y/n!” Morgan ran behind you.

He kept looking behind him while he was running, what he shouldn’t have done, because it only kept reducing his speed, allowing you to meet him at this level, before launching yourself at him, which resulted in both of you harshly falling onto the ground. 

“What the hell y/n?!" 

"I should be the one asking you.” You said, as the handcuffs put themselves around their wrists while reading him his Miranda rights. “Get up." 

You led him to Jayden standing next to the car after he had opened the door of the vehicle in order for him to go inside.

Before you had gotten to the car after agreeing with Hotch that you would meet everyone back at the station, you leaned towards Anthony’s side.

"That’s what you were up to? Studies? What was next, trying to bring more of your friends into your shit? I hope you liked it as much as it lasted, because trust me, I’ll end up knowing what happened, and get the satisfaction to announce that you just reached the end of the race along with Ethan.”

“You can’t do this y/n.”

“I can. Trust me. Now shut up until we get to the station, you’ll do all of us a favor.” You lectured, heading over to the passenger’s side in the front. 

“You okay?” Jayden asked. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You admitted, even though a part you knew you weren’t okay. You just didn’t want to break in front of everyone, that would be embarrassing.

You had just learned that two friends you had known for three and one year were possibly charged with four murders.

You had trusted possible murderers, and could have even gotten killed. If they were capable of killing them, they could have killed you as well, that certainly was a possibility if we did discover that it was them.

*

Even if all of this was completely against your true will, as you knew him best and apparently had a better shot at getting him to confess what he had possibly done, you had nonetheless gone into the room.

Ten minutes of silence have gone by, and it apparently seemed like you would have to be the one to start the conversation, since he didn’t seem he was about to say anything.

“So, are you gonna tell me what you were doing in the house?” You asked, staring at him from the corner of the room. “Don’t tell me it’s for Nancy because she’s dead, and if it was to see her parents, you would have left the house by the front door." 

As he didn’t give you an answer, you began getting annoyed at it and sat on the chair.

"Excuse me but, have I accidentally made you drop a part of your brain that’s refraining you to think correctly and form a sentence when I tackled you on the floor? You literally ran when I yelled your name. Someone that didn’t have anything to hide wouldn’t have run away like you did.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Oh, you tell me.” You got up, walking around the room.

“I don’t have anything to tell.”

“Then who has?”

“Ethan”

“The one we both know?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you exactly have to do with that in the first place?”

“That’s him who knew them first. I didn’t. I didn’t kill any of them.”

“You didn’t know them. Then can you tell what these girls thought about you? That you were a loser? That you can’t do anything except being a jackass and a weirdo? They all chose you over the quarterbacks, other boys, like him. You never were cool or good enough for them to want to bring you into their room. You were nothing but the invisible, annoying, little prick, that is only weak—”

“Shut up! Now I understand why he killed them. If they were as annoying as you are, then he had a good reason.”

You scoffed, walking to where he was.

“Well, well, looks like we have a winner. Let me tell you something.” You said, putting your elbows on the table. 

“Your 'friend’, Ethan, if we can say that, because he clearly used you. Um, he was popular, the girls came to him, they’d only come to you to ask if you could introduce them to him. He took you under his wing, and you followed him. He must have made a stupid promise, probably that he’d get you a spot at the secret party of the heather of the class, and you, like the stupid idiot you are, you believed him, and he must have convinced you to do 'cool stuff’ with him, and if you didn’t do it, he’d call you a loser, threatened to humiliate you. Well watch where that led you to, possible prison for working with a killer. You had fun?”

“He never mentioned that part when he talked to me.”

“That’s because he wanted to gain your trust first. You don’t go to someone saying 'hey bud, do you want to hang out with girls and drown them to death next? It’s a cool thing to do’. And the most interesting part is that he’s apparently smarter because you’re here, while he’s still out there. So, if you have something to tell, I wouldn’t mind if you could tell it to us.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Come on, what do you have to lose at this point? All of your 'girlfriends’ are dead, and if you get to walk out of there, everyone’s gonna know you’re suspicious because the whole campus saw you get taken by the cops." 

"Look, I don’t fucking know where he went! It’s been weeks, and his phone isn’t responding, it’s not even ringing in the first place. What else do you want me to tell?”

“I probably just want you to admit that you did participate, witnessed, or knew what he did.” You said, as he just looked away. 

“Are you going to hell me or do I have to stay here for the rest of the damn fucking day? Did you kill one or not?”

“No! I only watched him do it for the three first.”

“What about the last girls you had seen him with?" 

"S-Sarah and Nancy.”

“Then if you’re talking about the girls I’m thinking about, he killed them. Did you know he planned to, any of that?”

“No.”

“You sure? You sure you want to lie about this? I don’t think so.”

“Just knew he planned on going out with them to do some project.”

“Just for a project? Oh come on! Don’t fucking mess with me! You knew all about this, you’re just scared of what might happen if you snitch on him. That’s too late now. You should have thought about it before entering into this whole mess Anthony.”

“How long has this been going for? Three weeks? One month? More than one month? For how long has he been messing up with your stupid and tiny brain to somehow convince you to join him into what he was doing, hm?" 

Still no answer.

"By any chance, did he even mention to you about killing me too? Does he have a list of all of his friends or what?” You slammed your hands on the table, causing him to startle at the sound that echoed in the room for a few seconds.

“I don’t know!”

“Stop saying that for god’s sake! I fucking know that you’re not telling me all that you know about!” You said, as you threw the chair on the floor. If you hadn’t restrained yourself, the table separating the two of you would already be gone.

The interrogation had gotten pointless to you, he had decided to act like a five years old kid, when he clearly wasn’t that at all because he had managed to get the courage and guts to watch him kill girls. 

Until we’d find Ethan, Anthony would stay in custody awaiting for the final trial. We had enough proof to press charges against him since he had previously confessed everything, and fingerprints have been found on journals and shelves in the four houses. You knew he wasn’t lying, after a few minutes, he clearly didn’t seem like the right state of mind; Ethan might have taken advantage of that to manipulate him, and he succeeded.

He had taken him as an accomplice so that he could possibly run away and all of the murders would be charged on Anthony, and not him. He didn’t know that he’d end up cracking under the pressure and basically snitch on him. If he wanted his plan to succeed, he should have chosen someone else for it.

You had even known from the few times that you had talked with him that he wasn’t strong minded at all. He’d even be afraid to punch someone, so you couldn’t understand what in the hell Ethan had made him believe, or even had promised so that he’d have the will to assist him in this madness.

The only thing everyone could hope for was to find Ethan and this all for good. 

It had lasted too long; he had his time to run freely, act as he wanted to, but it was time to end the game. 

No matter what would get in the way, no matter what you had to do, Ethan had to be stopped.

At this point, there was no 'now or never’.

This was the end of the line, for both of them.

And they had to accept it, whether they liked it or not.

You always have to think twice before doing something.

Because once it’s done, there’s no going back.

Only consequences.

*

A week has gone by, and unfortunately another victim has been found; so based on the other timelines, we could have assumed he could be striking again this week.

It was an art student named Erin Peterson, 23 years old. The only difference between the past four victims was the flowers filling her chest. 

They were red.

Red as the color of blood, unless it wasn’t blood on it, they naturally were red.

Without taking the meaning of flowers in consideration, this could certainly express a form of pure anger. 

The flowers were put inside the same way than the previous victims, but less organised and more scattered around. He didn’t take any time to organise it as he usually would. He was stressed, disorganized, disoriented, our venue got him lost, and something made him go off script.

Whatever it was that had caused this sudden rush, the odds would soon go in our favor.

You had found yourself driving to her parent’s residence a few days after the incident. They weren’t initially available the day the murder occurred as they both were out of town when it had happened so they had gone back to town late at light and after a phone call with them a meeting has been planned the following day, and you had proposed yourself to go there, Reid insisting for you to call if anything would happen.

You had agreed, even if you know that nothing bad could happen. 

As they had cameras, we would have watched them, but he had thought about it before us and hacked the cameras so it would only display nothing but blackness.

Noticing you had arrived after a short moment of distraction, you stopped the car before taking off your seatbelt, shortly stepping out of the vehicle.

The house was fairly big, big enough for five people to live there, yet they were only three, and now only two due to their recent loss.

You had lost both your father and sister when you only were ten, so you had quite your experience with losses. You only had your mother left but after their deaths, you weren’t in good terms with her, constant arguments, disagreements, all of this was endless. She’d yell and get mad at you for the smallest mistake. 

You haven’t talked to her since you were sixteen after moving in with your father’s sister. She had kind of become your step mother in a way. She gave you a lot of support during your studies, and you have to admit that it’s mainly because of all of her support and help that you managed to get a post at the FBI.

As you made your way to the front door, something had instantly felt off. 

The door wasn’t locked.

They weren’t nearby.

The house was deadly quiet.

A few steps later, you had understood why it was so quiet. 

The parents had been killed, which was oddly unusual. He never killed the parents, only their daughters.

Both of them were laying in a pool composed of their own bloods, multiple shots fired in the chest.

At this moment, even if Spencer would or wouldn’t have told you to call, there was no choice to make, you had to call for reinforcements. If he was in the house, or nearby, observing you where he could see you and you couldn’t, going further into the house would have been too risky.

You reached out for your phone, dialing the office’s number before being stopped by the sound of footsteps and a cold feeling against your neck as soon as you dialed the first three numbers.

After that, you only had the time to perform two steps,—

“Hi y/n." 

One breath.

One glance.

— before plunging into darkness, your last memory being frozen by fear and pain.

*

Never the office had been busier than when the team arrived, two weeks ago. 

Another victim had been killed, he was rapidly escalating, stressed, he was struggling.

The arrival of the team surely had ruined everything he had planned; plus, one of the people that was currently chasing after him was one of his friends that knew him well and could possibly guess what was part of his motives, how to approach him.

You could be the only one that could approach him without any major risk, you had known him for two years while they barely knew anything about him, as they had just 'met him’.

But the worry had been filling Spencer’s mind for a few minutes. You hadn’t given any news since you had gotten there. He had been waiting for you to send a message confirming that you had arrived, but you never sent it.

To Spencer, you had either forgotten or you still were talking and would answer later; but the possibility of you being in danger definitely couldn’t be erased from the list.

He took his phone from his pocket, dialing the number you had given him previously, before taking the phone to his ear.

He still had hope for you to answer at the 3rd ring, and when he had heard your voice, he had thought for a second that you had actually answered, but it only was your voicemail. 

Even after a few calls, he kept hearing the same message of the voicemail again and again.

That is when he had begun worrying. 

"Morgan?” Spencer entered the room, as Morgan turned his head when he had him talking.

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Did you get any messages from y/n? She was supposed to send me one, but she hasn’t sent one and didn’t even read it. I called, no response. Only her voicemail." 

"No, haven’t got anything." 

"Do you think something might have happened? I know that I’m probably getting paranoid over nothing, and as we’re talking she’s on her way, but she should have answered the phone.”

“No Reid, you’re not getting paranoid. We could have assumed from the moment she didn’t answer her phone that something may have happened.” Morgan reassured him, as he took his phone to dial Hotch’s number. “Yeah Hotch? I think we have a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“Something may have happened to y/l/n. She went to the house and didn’t give any sign since. We tried to call her, but we got nothing.”

“We immediately go there. An agent is missing, we can’t pursue the case until we find her again. She’s our main priority now.”

“Okay.” Morgan hung up, as Reid had already begun leaving the room before Morgan even had the time to tell him to go. They had briefly called Elle and JJ as they were in another room, and even if they probably didn’t understand any of their words with the noise of the office; they had seen them hurrying outside in the direction of the vehicles and immediately followed them.

On the way, two cars and ambulances were behind them, Spencer had thought a bunch of stuff in his head, somehow to reassure himself during the ride,—

'We would need reinforcements with us if he would decide at last minute to take her an hostage, or if anything else threatening her safety would happen if he decides to attempt a dangerous move, we have to do everything in order for her to come out of the house alive; and for the ambulances, if anything went wrong and she would get hurt, she would need to be given proper care for her safety, and survival if it happened to be life threatening.’

—he had just met you a few weeks ago, and he couldn’t just lose you now. He had to spend more time with you, talk more with you, that couldn’t stop there.

Just when they had arrived, Hotch and Gideon had pulled up and were getting out of the vehicles, their attention shortly focused on the sound of the cars in which the four agents were.

They had shortly gotten out of the vehicle, walking towards where the two men stood.

Hotch quietly unlocked the door after giving a quick nod to his colleagues, as everyone stepped inside.

At this moment, it probably was weird to think that; but everyone could feel the heavy atmosphere in the air. It wasn’t until they had noticed the two lifeless bodies in the living room. It probably was why they hadn’t answered back when they had been called before someone had come to the house. 

No one would have expected that he would have killed the parents; he always killed their daughters. 

Taking in consideration the state their bodies were in, they had been killed less than a few hours, approximately since two or three hours according to Spencer.

Everyone was on their guard, not a single noise was being heard in the house; he was either gone for long or still in the house, somewhere.

If he had gone away, he had either taken you, or killed you here, and if he was still here, he was either taking you in hostage, or had killed you as well.

Everyone had hoped for the second option not to have happened, they all had hoped from the moment they got in the vehicles that you were alive.

As the house contained multiple rooms, several people dispersed in the several spaces, letting others know to the others that the space was empty once they had checked.

The team had made his way upstairs, while being careful to make as less noise as possible if he did happen to be in the house.

The corridor was strangely neat and quiet. All of the doors were closed, no traces of blood on the floor, and no light. As if no one was here; but they had to make sure of it and make their way further into the hall. 

Hotch and Spencer had split up from the others in the way of the bathroom that was located in another corridor. The house was fairly large. 

It hasn’t taken much time for the two of them to guess what might have happened if he had killed you there. Their footsteps hurried as they made their way to the door of the bathroom, quickly looking at each other before opening the door in one movement.

Their brains had taken a few seconds to realize what was in front of their eyes. You, lying in the bathtub filled with water, almost pale as snow. You had been left in your underwear.

Hotch was the first one to rush over to your side, immediately taking his fingers to your neck and wrist, only to find a weak pulse.

“Pulse is there, but barely. We need a medic over here, now!” Hotch yelled in his communication system before him and Reid pulled your cold and unconscious body out of the bathtub, setting you on the ground.

They both had felt mixed feelings; they were scared for your life; but a little bit relieved because you could still be saved, it wasn’t over.

Two loud voices were suddenly being heard from the end of the main corridor, a silence following. It wasn’t until Elle’s voice had echoed in both the communication system and the house.

“We got him. He was in another room with no weapon, and he didn’t struggle, he kept repeating that someone was dead. Is-Is y/n okay?”

“I…we’re not sure.”

It wasn’t until their attention had been pulled away from Elle’s voice when two medics stepped in the room, the two agents stepping away to give them space to work.

They could do nothing but stare in fear as the two medics attempted to get you to breathe again by performing CPR.

Before everyone knew it, you had suddenly begun coughing up water, your eyes opening and closing irregularly; as if you didn’t really manage to stay awake. The exhaustion and shock your body had gone through could have been the reason.

The people that weren’t present in the room joined a minute after they had made sure that Ethan was in the car, only to see you lying on the floor, as your skin had taken its colors back.

They all were glad that he hadn’t made it to the step where he would cut open the chest of his victims, reaching the point of no return. Even if they had only known you for a few weeks, you still mattered to them. 

A flow of relief when through everyone’s minds as they saw that you were alive. You had still been hurt and they had almost lost you, they couldn’t deny it but still, you were alive.

Everyone had seen how worried Reid was. He was so worried, to the point that JJ and even Garcia must have asked themselves if romantic feelings were to be involved. JJ would have asked him since he’s closest to her, but even if he considers her as a great friend, he doesn’t tell everything about his life, he’s not really that kind of person.

*

The bright lightening of the room had been the first thing that you had seen, hurting your eyes when you had tried to open them.

The room’s lightning had been difficult to adjust to the first seconds, but you had slowly adjusted to it after blinking a few times.

The soft beeping noise of the machine slowly awakened your senses as you took note of your surroundings and how you felt.

As you glanced at the window by your right, you had noticed that it was somewhere in the day, it apparently wasn’t late. You had turned your head to the clock in front of you, letting know that it was somewhere around 9:40am.

You had begun wondering for how long you were out, you couldn’t exactly remember.

A few hours?

A day?

What had happened since the last time you were awake were a blur. You didn’t worry much about it, the fact that you didn’t remember wasn’t bad, it would come later.

You didn’t recognize the room you were in, nor the surroundings you could see at the window. Your first guess what to think that you were either in another place in New York you didn’t know of, or you had been taken back to Quantico. As you couldn’t know, that fact would need to be answered by someone else.

When you had taken a few breaths, you had taken note of how sore your throat and chest were hurting, while asking yourself what could have caused it.

That’s when it came back—

_'It was nice to meet you.'_

That sentence was the last you had heard before panic had spread itself through your body. 

Your head was underwater and your vision only consisted of blurry forms.

And him, standing over the bathtub.

His hands were around your neck, holding you underwater as you fought to free yourself from the grip he maintained on you.

The little strength you had slowly decreased when your head had stayed under too long, causing you to lose consciousness as your eyes closed.

—, everything. 

What you had just begun remembering had kind of answered your questions about what you had been feeling. Well, almost. You weren’t sure about the chest part, it could just be part of the symptoms you had due to what had been done to you.

You also remember seeing your father.

He hasn’t changed since the last time you had seen him, fourteen years ago.

He kept telling you-

'You can’t go now, I’ll see you when it’ll really be time, but it’s not now, you still have your whole life in front of you. So go, go find everyone again.' 

You had begun tearing up at the thought, quickly wiping away your tears, you never liked it when people would see you crying. 

It wasn’t until you had heard footsteps coming from the door, your attention now turned to the entrance.

“Hey, we’ve all been worried. How are you feeling?” Hotch said, stepping into the room.

“Like I just had the best first weeks at my new work. Uh…how long have I been out?”

“Basically one day, and a few hours, that’s Reid who told me. We also…we almost lost you there.”

“D-does what I think of happened? I think I saw my father. My…deceased father.”

“We..found you in the bathroom. You weren’t breathing anymore, the medics had to do CPR to get you to breathe again.”

“Then I guess that’s why my I saw him and why my chest hurted.”

“You’ll get better soon. We’re all glad you’re okay.”

“I’m kind of glad too. By the way…where are we?”

“Back at Quantico. You were stable enough to be transferred; and we figured that you wanted to go home too.”

“Yeah. I wanted to go home.” You said, as a thought crossed your mind. “What about Ethan…?”

“He’s in prison, awaiting for his trial along with Anthony. Considering what he and Anthony had done, they both won’t be freed soon, let’s say, probably never.”

“I…I know it’s a bit weird but, I don’t know how to feel about this. I know they killed people, and even me, but they still were my friends, so thinking that I was friends with people that would kill later, it’s just…I wouldn’t have believed it. They both didn’t look like guys that would kill people, not at all.”

“I know this is hard. But you have to let it go. They won’t come near you anymore, or even hurt others, it’s over.”

“Everything will get better, you’ll take as much time off work as you’ll need to, don’t worry about that. We’ll be here for you.”

“I know you all will.”

“Um…by the way, are you feeling well enough? The others probably want to see you too.”

“Yeah, I’m good. They can come.” You admitted, readjusting yourself in a sitting position.

“I’ll be right back.” Hotch said, leaving the room only to come back a minute after with the rest of the team. Even Penelope came, she also was the first one that came to you.

“Look who’s awake. Everything okay pretty girl?” Morgan had spoken up, a grin on his face.

“Yeah, everything is okay.” You responded, even if you, and probably the rest of the team knew it was nothing but a lie.

The rest of the morning had gone well, the team had left as they had to get back to work, only to leave you and Penelope in the room. It really was nice to have her around, she chased all of the worries away for a moment. 

If everything went well, you would be out by the middle of the afternoon, which brought more joy that you had thought it would. You just couldn’t wait to go home, hospitals have never been your thing.

Everything was quite overwhelming, thinking about the fact that you could have died if he would have gone further had terrified you, you were glad that they had come in time before he had the time to finalize his work in order to accomplish his “canvas”.

But none of that had happened, you were still alive.

You could possibly…tell what you needed to, to Spencer. If you ever find the courage.

*

It all hit you right in the face when you were home.

You didn’t feel that way when you were at the hospital, for one reason, people.

You were surrounded by your friends, which made it better, allowing you to step away from your problems; but when you ended up alone in your apartment, you felt the way you would have felt if they wouldn’t have been there.

They had a case this week, which made seeing each other impossible. You’d only talk with them on the phone, a short moment of happiness, then when they’d hang up, you’d be back to your thoughts, facing them on your own.

It all was difficult to explain it, even to yourself. This was a whole new level of confusion you’d never have to deal with before. You didn’t even understand what was going on with you.

The fact that you had died and could have remained that way if he would have gone further or even if they didn’t manage to revive you would send shivers down your spine. 

'How does one deal with that?’

'Am I supposed to feel grateful that I had survived or feel bad because I’m alive while the seven victims he had attacked are not?' 

None of these questions were probably useful or doing any good to your mental health; but you had always been like that.

What if, And if, so if, but if, it I hadn't…

It just worked like that in your mind. You had always been thinking that way, wondering what could have happened if you would have done that, and not this, or if that thing happened and not this.

You had also come to your love life matter; if you wouldn’t have survived, would it have been sad that you couldn’t have confessed or fine the way it was because he could have rejected you, not feeling the same way?

Now that you were alive, you still had no idea. Should you take your courage in your hands and tell him, or stay in the shadows, only to keep your feelings in the box, while thinking of the possibility of you seeing him with another girl than you?

You couldn’t be sure of the answer. You would see how he’d look at JJ, what if they had been together before you came, what if they’re actually planning on going on dates? 

You had known it was foolish to say that, assume that two people were together when you didn’t know anything, if it was real or if you were just imagining stuff.

You had never asked them about whether they only were friends or more, it was none of your business, and if they would have said that they weren’t only friends, you’d have to apply your best fake smile, which would have been immediately noticed since Spencer was a profiler, and that would have probably ruined your friendship, whether you would have told them that, or confessed only to him.

You guys had immediately begun on good terms, nothing was forced, you could talk for hours without getting bored, work together without any trouble as you could easily understand the other, there was absolutely no problem, it was a normal friendship like any other.

The kind of friendship you didn’t want to ruin because of how much you appreciated it.

And what could possibly ruin it in a snap would be his rejection. You didn’t know if you would be able to talk to him like you would usually do after that.

Your new life in a new place didn’t turn out to be the way you thought it would be like, especially when the problem you were facing happened to be at your workplace, that problem happened to be Spencer Reid, the guy you’d see every single day at work.

When mentioning 'problem’ it’s mostly about the love part, not him. The problem would be you. You couldn’t stop worrying, asking yourself billions of questions, when you could just stop everything by giving him a call or talk to him when you’ll get back to work.

But, you weren’t wondering if the thing restraining you was the fact that you had known him for barely a month. How can you get to fully know someone and say that you’re in love with them? It didn’t make any sense to you. 

You didn’t even know if he was interested in you or in having any relationship in the first place. 

When you’d try to find another path to get by, you’d be taken back to the same point; him not having shared feelings, not a single one. Purely platonic.

But you couldn’t give up so easily at the same time. 

One side of your mind was telling you to go tell him, while another told you it wasn’t worth it. 

You were imagining a hundred situations that could happen while it was just so simple.

He could say yes, or no.

Two choices.

You sat on the couch of your apartment, letting out a long sigh, before ending up falling asleep. 

You have tried to convince yourself that next week will be better, and that you will finally decide to use it to talk with him. 

*

Your return to work had apparently been greatly awaited; Penelope had been the first one to let you notice it as she jumped in your arms as soon as you had stepped out of the elevator.

And a few weeks later, as much as they had liked to throw a party upon your return to the field, a case had popped up and everyone had to get back to work.

Oddly enough, Spencer couldn’t do anything but take his eyes off you, he’d step in the rooms before you did, place a protective hand behind you when he’d hear a noise to make sure you still were there and so that you wouldn’t get hurt.

You didn’t tell much about it, he had perhaps remembered what had happened the last time and had wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

Even Morgan wouldn’t have done this with you, and you guys were friends, so when Spencer had acted this way, you had tried not to think that it was because he loved you but because he wanted you to be safe, nothing much.

Admitting that it only was 'nothing much’ pained you more that you would have thought it would. You wanted it to be more than nothing much, but you still haven’t told him anything about your feelings, despite having promised it to yourself before getting back to work.

The rest of the investigation had gone well, just a few minutes later, the suspect had found himself to be in the attic, his gun pointed to the victim in an attempt to kill her, but had been reasoned and his arrest concluded to be successful.

Since the location of the case happened to be near Quantico, the ride back to the office had been done in less than an hour.

Taking in consideration the amount of paperwork waiting for everyone after the long week that we all had, everyone prefered to get to work so that you guys wouldn’t have to do it later.

You had gone by the break room to get your second refill of the night, settling at your desk shortly after.

Everyone had gone a bit everywhere, either to the archives, to Hotch’s desk to give reports, at Garcia’s office, or at the printer, so the office where all your desks were wouldn’t be very crowded.

Due to your temporary absence after the previous case, you haven’t been able to complete the paperwork that normally would have needed to be done after the case had been declared closed.

At the moment when you had been told that it could wait so you could take time for yourself and recover without having to go through the stress the case may have brought you, you felt relieved, but when you had to fill it out now, a bit of regret filled itself inside you.

You had wished you would have filled out a bit of it earlier so that you would have had less to take care of. If only you did.

But, unfortunately you couldn’t get rid of it, so all you had to do was take your pain patiently, and deal with it. 

You didn’t mind it much after that, Morgan had stepped by quickly to finish off some work, as you guys had various conversations about stuff that crossed whatever was in the other’s mind.

Even though at this moment, you would have preferred to go home, you still prefered to work for now. As you wouldn’t have much to do the rest of the night at home except laying on the couch to watch tv or read the same books for the umpteenth time, work didn’t sound bad if it meant that it could avoid yourself from getting bored.

If you would have told this to your old friends in highschool, they would have thought that you were crazy for preferring to work instead of going to parties, because, yes, they were in a way, the heathers of the class, that would prefer to go out at night instead of studying or sleeping. 

You had done this once, and earned nothing but a week without your phone after your mother had found out what you had done; so instead of doing it again, you had took the habit to take your free time to work instead of wasting it to go to stupid parties, and thanks to that resolution, here you are, years later, working at the FBI.

Turned out that avoiding to be like the others wouldn’t have done anything good to you except making you fail your studies.

The hours went by without you had even had the time to realise it. Everyone had gone out of the bureau, they had probably gone home or went somewhere else.

The amount of paperwork had decreased importantly, making you feel more relaxed. 

As you had just turned off your computer, checking that you hadn’t forgotten any of your stuff before getting up; a tall figure had just stood by your desk, the sound of footsteps shortly stopping. 

You hadn’t seen who was standing close to your desk before you had turned your head. 

But what you certainly wouldn’t have expected would be that the person in front of you would be none but Spencer Reid.

“…what’s going on? Are you going home?” You asked.

“Um, yeah I am but…” He said, taking a deep breath as he looked away before looking at me again, taking a few steps further. “I wanted to ask you…d-do want to hang out someday? Like a…a date?” He said, stuttering towards the end.

'What?’

'Have I heard well?’

’Spencer Reid….just asked me out?’

'Have I just worried for two months just for him to take one minute to wash everything away?

You haven’t even noticed that you had begun tearing up until you had felt a tear on your face and noticed Spencer’s worry on his face.

“Are you—” He began saying, before being cut off as you got up and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“You took a lot of time to ask…I thought you’d never do it.” You mumbled, loud enough for Spencer to hear. 

You haven’t believed him for a split second, this seemed so unreal. 

“Well, I just did.” He mentioned, as he brought his arms around your waist, bringing you into a hug that you had found quite comforting. The feeling of being in his arms was comfortable, you really did feel safe, if you hadn’t broken your embrace, you would have stayed there for another hour.

Before you even got to, Spencer brought his fingers to your face, wiping the tears from your eyes, which you immediately responded to with a smile.

“I…I really love you y/n." 

”…you do ?“ 

"Of course I do. I loved you since the first day you’ve stepped in here. I was too afraid to ask you out.”

“You have no idea how afraid I was too. I thought you didn’t like me back.”

“You are the only girl I liked, and you still are right now." 

"I guess we had something in common then.”

“I guess, yeah.” He said, as you suddenly pulled him towards you in a soft kiss, which he quickly returned, placing his hands on your face while you had placed yours at the back of his head.

“I love you too Spencer Reid." 

Six words.

That’s all it took for your relationship with him to start.

Six words, for a lifetime worth of memories to start.

The following weeks have been nothing but pure moments of happiness. He had "moved” into your apartment, he’d spend more time at your apartment than his, letting you wonder if he didn’t actually sell it or something, although he had insisted he didn’t. He just liked to stay with you. 

The moment that the both of you preferred the most would be when you would lay down together. He’d wrap his arms around you, pulling you as close as possible, you always appreciated his warmth. You had always liked the feeling you would get when you’d be in his arms from the first time he had hugged you.

Next thing you both knew, it didn’t take much time for the news to spread around the bureau. You had thought no one had noticed the both of you, but Garcia had already started planning your wedding since she had seen the both of you kissing on the cameras. 

That really sounded like Garcia at one hundred percent. She would have totally done that if she would have seen you smiling at him for just one second before the relationship would have even started.

But, what mattered to you at this moment was that you would have a man to spend the next years with, and maybe a lifetime if things happen to go further between the two of you.

If someone would have told you three years earlier that this would happen, you wouldn’t have believed anyone. You really were head over heels with him, and it wasn’t about to stop soon.

You haven’t been able to talk often together, but the small moments you had with him have been more than enough for getting to appreciate each other’s presence.

And now that the both of you have acknowledged each other’s feelings, these small moments will turn into bigger ones.

You really did trust him, even if you both had many other things to discover about the other, you didn’t fully know the other at one hundred percent. 

But you were sure that you’d have plenty of time to do that. 

Plenty.


End file.
